Stumbling Through our Journeys Towards Wholeness

I don’t know much but I trust the scriptural assurance of God’s abiding love and that we are all holy reflections of our Divine Creator; no matter our context, experience, or actions. Life and ministry in the Body of Christ has taught me that it is our experiences and relationships of life that bind us together as we navigate our individual journeys towards the wholeness offered through the salvation of Jesus Christ.

I’ve also learned that growth and progression require a learning period of stumbling, discomfort, insight, and courage. Humans are created through and intended to live in communion with others. We rely on our communities to nurture and support our victories, failures, sorrows, joys, and crises. We learn from observation, implementation, trial, error, and success. Learning and progress requires stumbling and failure.

As I reflect upon the past decade of discernment and work in my call to serve the church, I’ve realized that a defining characteristic is the nature of literal and metaphorical stumbling. It’s been a winding journey where I’ve focused on supporting myself and others in the embodiment of the upright nature of Jesus Christ. I have stepped, skipped, tripped, fallen and then have been lifted up in this path towards wholeness.

The view of the San Francisco Bay during sundown from our neighborhood in the Berkeley Hills.

One significant Ministry experience for me in connection with stumbling was a series of events in 2016 during our second week in Berkeley, where we moved for my seminary education.

I was exploring our neighborhood which is located at the base of a mountain, reveling in my fortune to live in such a beautiful area. I realized darkness was near and it was time to head home, so I progressed downhill, with my focus downwards towards my feet  in an effort to not fall and cause further injury.

My concern and anxiety over stumbling narrowed my attention on the potential instability rather than forward with an encompassing view that best navigated my journey home.

And my isolated and downward focus on the prevention and fear of harming and falling led me to walk straight into a large tree branch with enough force to knock me out, cause a concussion, bruise my face, and loosen my teeth.   

So much for my planning to start off graduate school on a healthy and firm footing.

I texted one of my physicians to receive guidance on how to handle this injury and was immediately cared for at the ER upon our arrival. I remember the neurologist expressing relief I was just a concussion injury rather than acts of violence or drugs like every other patient of her shift that she was grieving.

Alison’s concussion exhibited through her dilated pupils, post concussion.

After the ER, Jason and I journeyed to the only late night pharmacy.

As we exited our vehicle, we encountered a commotion in the parking lot that included an older woman on the ground yelling for help and a large man that was standing over her. Almost every surface of this gentleman’s body was covered in tattoos and I admit that I assumed the worse.

We quickly learned how wrong we were.

Due to the darkness of night and her unhealthy vision, this lady had tripped over a parking space block and stumbled to the ground. The gentleman was helping the lady with gentle care and compassion that most only afford to loved ones rather than strangers. Numerous others encountered and ignored the situation. We inquired if and how we could help, which entailed calling paramedics and help make her comfortable. The lady and I had similar injuries and she was advised to travel in the ambulance for a full assessment in the ER. Yet, despite the severity and risk of her injuries, the concern of cost for the ambulance ride and ER and the reality of limited care offered for pain led her to refuse the advised treatment.

I regretted what little I had to offer in regards to knowledge and access to other local services for her due to our newness to the area and continued to grow in a humble awareness of my privilege and cluelessness of the common medical needs and disparities of the majority of the population..

So, as the four of us sat on the parking lot asphalt, I offered what I could through listening, affirmation, and prayer and trusted the Holy Spirit was at work.

The Kaiser Permente Parking Lot

Through our time together, I learned our gentleman friend primarily raised himself on the streets; as he regarded that to be safer than his birth family and foster homes. He had spent time in prisons and institutions but was years into building a successful, happy, and healthy life for himself in a society that had and continued to discard him. I was struck by his wisdom and capacity for love that had developed despite the monumental hindrances that would cause most to shut off and shut down. His focus on the present and future opportunities rather than the past provoked me to reassess my own approach to life and trauma.

The lady had immigrated to the US from Ukraine decades ago in pursuit of the American dream. Now, despite working hard and living rightly; she was alone, impoverished, chronically ill, and now injured. Her apartment had been recently burglarized, her medications were stolen, and she had no means to replace them. And yet, she was focused on forgiveness and relationship. She was alone, injured, and without her basic needs and yet she was more concerned with caring for those in her midst.

Both had been abandoned by their communities and yet continued to hold ecstatic hope for a heartbreaking life and world.

And the four of us strangers held fellowship in a parking lot as we found common ground in our stumbles and falls. We lifted each other up in encouragement through our fears, solidarity in our griefs, and hope for the future. We departed without exchanging information but these two beloved reflections of God continue to remain in my prayers. These siblings in Christ and experience of stumbling in a parking lot continue to serve as some of my most formative teachers. Im grateful to have been looking up and out to notice and participate in the Body of Christ rather than down and inwards, consumed with myself.

Jason Fischer’s tattoo of a Christian labyrinth.

Six years later, I am now equipped with better knowledge of the resources to help people in similar situations. My pastoral skills have also improved. I pray to continue to grow in my capacity, courage, and confidence to serve as a disciple, especially when I stumble. This journey towards ordained ministry has continued to be filled with unanticipated stumbles, falls, and barriers. I limped into my transitional diaconate ordination with a fractured foot that occurred from another literal stumble. Like every obstacle that has developed, the body of Christ has provided the necessary support to lift me up and help stabilize my steps forward. I’ve put forth my best effort to utilize my strengths, privilege, and resources to serve others and God’s creation.

Through it all, I’ve continued to be astounded by magnificent experiences with the holy that provide tenacious strength and hope to not just endure, but thrive in this life and proceed on the path towards wholeness within God’s Kingdom. And I’m grateful and humbled to serve a merciful and gracious God who lifts us up when we stumble and makes all things new.

It’s an honor to share that with others, especially surprise encounters in parking lots.